Scare Yourself a Little

When I was young(er), I have always lived life on the safe zone. Deretso uwi parati after school even during the time when I was staying in a dormitory during college. And when I get home I do not do anything extraordinary naman like watch TV, do my homework then go to sleep. I never saw something wrong with that but now I feel like I did not do much living back then. No interesting story to share to other people about my younger days. When the worst things happen to a person, it shakes his whole being. Either he does things to completely destroy himself or propel himself to a greater sense of being. I have done both. I won't focus anymore on the former and will just share the positive, scary, life-changing activities I have done.

1. Ride a roller coaster - I have such fear of heights. I don't really know what gets into me when I ride a roller coaster, but I totally would regret it if I don't get in one. The rush that I get from riding it is scary and exciting. I end up screaming and laughing even though my body feels like it's going to collapse any time soon.

2. Water rafting - in a way similar to the roller coaster but has an added unpredictability. i get a good feeling of accomplishment every time we get through a series of crashing waves.

3. Cliff diving - I did this with a bunch of friends during a trip in Cagayan de Oro. I never knew that the nature trek that we signed up for would include cliff diving. Given my fear of heights, this was really a big obstacle. I was going through a difficult phase during that time so I just felt like doing it because at that point I felt like I have nothing to lose (except for my life if i didn't survive the landing?). So I shook my friends' hands and started to jump. That moment happened so fast but in my mind the feeling of falling felt like forever. I immediately got a new-found respect from my heterosexual friends that time given that I was the first one to jump without any hesitation.

4. Yoga - yes, even though yoga can bring relaxation and calm, some of the yoga poses can be pretty intimidating and scary. i attended regular yoga classes fresh out of a bad breakup. during the second session, my yoga teacher asked if i wanted to do a headstand and i was like, "whut?!?" again, at that point i felt like i have nothing to lose anyway so i said yes. the two things he told me were, "trust me, i am here," and "let go of your fear." those two things, trust and fear, are connected. if you trust, you can easily let go of your fear. 

5. Be out in public, in costume - just this Halloween, I organized a costume party among my friends at my place. A friend suggested that we parade in costume while on our way to the convenience store to buy ice. The idea totally freaked me out. But since they were all for it (and I was wearing a mask anyway), I yielded. It was fun to see the people's reaction when they saw us all in costume walking in the streets and buying at a convenience store like an ordinary person. We took it up a notch by showing up at the Black Party in Malate donning our costumes (if you saw a guy wearing a Green Lantern costume in Malate that night, yes that was me). It was a liberating experience because I never felt so ridiculous and yet people who saw us didn't really mind. Some even had their photos taken with us.

 6. Pole [dancing] - technically, I can't officially brand it as pole dancing since I am not gyrating sensually in the pole. A friend talked me into it, saying that I can easily do the routines. Doing the climbs, inversions and spins kind of brings me back to that feeling of a kid who has no qualms in trying the monkey bars, without fear of injury. At the end of the day I end up with bruises, body aches and big smile on my face, knowing what I have accomplished.

 Most of the things that hold us back is due to FEAR - of the unknown, of the possible consequences, of the humiliation. But the beauty of not knowing what lies ahead is you get to discover new things when you take the plunge. You discover a new learning when the outcome is bad. You unleash a side of yourself that you think you do not possess. You gain bits of wisdom, pride and confidence along the way. So go ahead. Once in a while do something that scares you so you can live a little, but gain a bit more.